I’d like to begin by stating that while I don’t really know what the space-time continuum is or how it works, I’m going to apply the concept here liberally and recklessly. Judgey physicists, you’ve been warned. I do not apologize.
So. I was recently looking through some old files at work and stumbled across a copy of our building’s purchase agreement, signed on March 20, 1989. March 20, 1989 was also Mike’s 7th birthday.
This space-time continuum(?) sort of thing BLOWS MY MIND. I mean, I now know what my husband and my former coworkers were doing on the EXACT SAME DAY, 25 years ago. My former coworkers were all, “Ho hum, let’s sign these papers,” and Mike was like,”WOOO kid birthday,” and no one had a thought that the two events would collide in my hands two decades later.
Put that in your “things to think about while high” folder, my friends.
Time is sort of magic to me. Which is why I expected it to take on memory-erasing powers over the past year, letting me retire the experiences of last summer. I’d hoped that with some distance, my pesky brain would override the old memories with newer, less criminally awful ones.
Spoiler alert: it didn’t.
July 5 rolled around again this year and we celebrated Luella’s birthday and existence, which has been no less than miraculous (and I’m not even a “miracles” sort of person!). So it came as a surprise when July 6, 7, 8 and all the days that followed have felt less celebratory.
Yeah, heaps of gratitude are there. But occasionally, I’m brushing my teeth and a moment of all-consuming doom comes crashing down along with the realization that we were in the hospital on this day last year and now, even though WE aren’t at the hospital, SOMEONE is, and isn’t that awful too?!?!
I suppose it was ambitious to believe that every day from July 5 to August 19 would be a Chicken Soup for the Soul-worthy experience, filled with a renewed appreciation for life. But I really thought that’s what would happen.
As it turns out, this summer is less about trying to replace last summer and more about accepting the coexistence of experiences. There is no such thing as “cancelling out” your bad days, because the good stuff doesn’t replace the lame stuff. It’s all still going to be there, although it’s nice when the scales are tipped in the right direction.
I’m embracing this weird summer (which mostly involves embracing last year’s weird summer) in part by looking at lots of Luella’s baby pictures and reading through emails I sent to friends while we were still at the hospital.
A year ago today, I emailed my mom, thanking her for writing me a list of times Friends reruns played on every channel at the hospital. Because that’s what I was doing at this time last summer: sitting in a dark hospital room next to my heavily-tubed baby, machines beeping as they monitored her every function, watching Friends reruns as nurses shuffled in and out of the room.
365 days later, I suppose the space-time continuum isn’t so bad after all.
Health Update: Luella is doing well! She is tasting small bits of food by mouth as we try to reduce her oral aversion. She is starting to babble a bit. She really loves the “s” sound, listening to Raffi, and sitting in her new chair! She is weaning off one of her seizure medications and she will see her neurologists and ophthalmologist in the next few weeks.